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Roast My Website · free + £9.99 full roast
Your website, brutally roasted by AI.
Paste your URL and three AI agents will tear it apart. One reads your code. One screenshots every page. One analyses your content. You get an honest, funny, and genuinely useful report on what's wrong and how to fix it — in language a human can act on, not consultant-speak.
What the roast actually looks at
- Design — layout, spacing, hierarchy, colour use, whether anything's 2018
- Copy — does your homepage say what you do in 5 seconds? Is the hero claim believable?
- SEO — titles, meta, structured data, internal links, obvious crawl problems
- Speed — Lighthouse, Core Web Vitals, the real mobile performance, not the dev-tools number
- Mobile — does it actually work on a phone, not just render on one
- Accessibility — real WCAG issues, not empty badges
- Trust signals — or the lack of them
Three tiers
Free
Quick roast
Three honest bullet points on what's hurting you the most. Back in 30 seconds. No email wall.
£9.99
Full roast
Full written report with specific fixes, code snippets where useful, prioritised by impact. PDF + shareable link.
£49
Roasted and fixed
Full roast plus we fix your top 3 issues ourselves and push a PR to your repo (or send you the diff).
Who it's for
- Founders who've been staring at their own site too long to see it clearly
- Anyone about to run ads and worried the landing page is leaking
- Agencies QA'ing their own client work before handover
- Anyone who likes being told the truth (or at least doesn't mind)
Think your site is fine? Prove it.
Send your URL. First bullets come back free. If they hurt, upgrade to the full roast.